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June 10, 2005
The Road to Sterilization (0)
Day 1 - Get Out the Knife
Tuesday afternoon, I began a bizarre trip-- I got a vasectomy. With two beautiful little girls, the wifely unit and I decided we were done. Although we had made the decision a while ago, the finality of the decision hit Monday night. The next afternoon, sitting in the doctor's waiting room, I joked that Karen had just signed my testicles away. (She HAD signed the consent form and it did mention something about "loss of testicle" as a possible side-effect.)
It has never really been a dream of mine to have an older man shave my private area, or to put my legs in stirrups and yet here I was, half-naked, with my feet in the air, staring at the top of a bad head of hair. To say that my urologist hasn't changed his style in 25 years would be unnecessary if you were to see him.
After a sedative shot, I was as relaxed as you could be in this surreal situation. Once he was ready the doctor made the comment, "This is the needle you've been dreading." I had been wondering exactly where the local would be applied, thinking some areas might be too sensitive... Apparently, the sensitivity of a particular spot doesn't seem to factor into where to stick a needle.
At the halfway point (scientifically measured in balls), the good doc mentioned that it was okay for me to talk. Ahh, what to talk about?
The last time a Doctor tried to manufacture a conversation with me at an equally awkward moment, was in the middle of a rectal exam. "So what do you plan to study when you get to college?" What are these guys thinking?
He finished things up, and it was off to the house for a night of waddling and ice packs. As I like to sleep on my stomach, I can tell you that it wasn't my best night of sleep, but the vivid dreams caused by my pain meds nearly made up for it.
Day 2 - 4-6 Hours
Day two started out well-- a little less pain and only a minor amount of swelling which I was happy about. My dad had relayed a story about a man in my hometown that had had a vasectomy only two wake up to two grapefruits in the middle of the night. The man went to his doctor the next day who muttered in broken English when he saw what was underneath his patient's long shirt, "Oh Sheet."
It was recommended that I wear a jock strap during recovery... I am not a fan of the jock strap! During the morning I caught up on Deadwood, installed some software on a new box I put together for the house a few weeks ago.
I had taken a pill around 10am. According to the bottle I could take another in 4-6 hours. I decided to wait the full six, even though the pain was back in a little over four. My doctor said the pain would remind me of having been recently kicked in the genitals. (What can I say? The man has a gift.) What I didn't realize is that these pills have a cumulative effect. Within 30 minutes I was stumbling around the house and feeling out of control.
That was fun for about an hour, but got old during the following 3 or so hours. I skipped the pills and had a restful but dreamless night of sleep.
Day 3 - Recovery Around the Corner
Today has been better in all regards-- less pain, less drugs. It's been fairly relaxing, just paying some bills, working on the site and getting in a few episodes of The Shield.
I'm looking forward to starting back in on my exercise program next week. I plan to start slowly, but after a busy month where I barely got in a work out, it will feel good to get back to the business of getting in shape, even if I am missing a thing or two...
Posted by Rich at June 10, 2005 11:59 AM
